look at us now

I just want to quit my job and make music with my husband... From the outside, it looks like a messy Fleetwood Mac situation, but we were never anything close to simple. Or were we ? Because it all felt so simple back then, when we loved each other more than anyone, needed each other more than oxygen- when we lived in a dream world we created within each other, a universe made of just two. It seems messy to our friends, they say it's crazy, they don't understand- but it seemed so clear Saturday night. We love each other, we always have, we always will, and there's nothing anyone can do about that. We certainly don't want to do anything about it- we don't even want to be divorced- not really, not if I'm honest. If Stevie Nicks and Lindsey Buckingham are on tour together again, does that mean there's hope for us ?

Hope. Hope for what ? Lana Del Rey said it well - "hope is a dangerous thing for a woman like me to have". That used to be true, but I'm not so sure anymore. I've been broken down so many times, I'm older now, if not wiser. Life is so short and so strange. I'm not sure anymore what place hope should hold, or if I should hold any at all. It almost seems like an exercise in futility- you can hope all you want for someone, that they will do better, be better, be happy, get clean. But in the end, all you're doing is projecting your own desires on someone else, and when it inevitably doesn't work out, all you're left with is disappointment and the gut-wrenching feeling that you could've done better- that somehow you should've- and a false certainty that if you had, everything would be different. This flavor of hope makes you responsible for someone elses' choices.

The people that love me are fixated on hope, what I hope for, what will happen if it doesn't come true. Like I said, they can never understand. But just look at us now, smiling, laughing, our faces pressed together as we sing to an empty room that's never felt fuller.

“I believe if there's any kind of God it wouldn't be in any of us, not you or me but just this little space in between.

If there's any kind of magic in this world it must be in the attempt of understanding someone sharing something.

I know, it's almost impossible to succeed but who cares really?

The answer must be in the attempt.”

-Before Sunrise